The Ultimate New Years Resolution for the Soon-To-Be 20 Year Old

Hello again, my friends!

As I prepare myself to say goodbye to what has been quite the year, not only am I gladly accepting what 2016 has to offer, but I am also reflecting on all that I am leaving behind. Yesterday I asked my friend Brandon if he had any New Years Resolutions. His response was that he wanted to get his Hogwarts acceptance letter. This could totally be his year, but he did give me a legitimate response as well. He then asked me what my New Years Resolutions were. And this was the first year I hadn't really given it much thought.

Of course, I could say that one of my resolutions is to go to the gym more often, or to eat less chocolate, but more avocados. These are all goals of mine, regardless, (except eating less chocolate... I think I eat just enough), but I didn't want this to be a typical resolution. One year I said I would take more baths, and that was a dud and a half of a resolution; I am not even sure that I took one bath that year, let alone multiple. Another goal, but not resolution, of mine is to read more books! This year I completed my goal of 35 books, which in my opinion for a busy college student, that is a pretty hefty number.

If there is one thing that I want for myself in 2016, it is simply more positivity. Next year I will be 20 years old, and even though I often feel like a 45 year old woman, I am still so young! I have a whole world ahead of me, and a year and a half of undergraduate left before entering the so-called "real world". In 2016 I want to not fear mistakes.

Now, I'm not saying that I want to make vast amounts of mistakes throughout my year as a 20-year-old, but 2015 has definitely taught me a lot about myself in terms of making mistakes. I have an intense fear of making mistakes. I always fear that one mistake will do me in, ruining the rest of my life. And so, often times I am so afraid of making a mistake that I don't truly let myself experience things around me. I am always so worried that a decision I make will end up being the wrong one.

In 2016, I need to know that even if I make a bad decision, or a wrong decision, at least I made a decision. Making a decision is much better than living in a stagnant state of misery, because the negative effects of mistakes will always die down. You can survive anything.

This year I found myself unhappy in my long-term relationship. I was so afraid of becoming even more unhappy by leaving the relationship, that I remained in it for much longer than I really should have. When I finally made the leap and suddenly found myself single for the first time in two years, I cried so hard, because I feared that I would wake up one day and ask myself what the hell I had done. My friend held me as I contemplated this, and he told me that one day that might happen. And that would be okay. But it also might not happen--and it didn't. I never had that moment of regret after we broke up.

That experience taught me a lot. Regret is a funny thing in that it often sneaks up on you when you don't expect it, yet is nowhere in sight when you figured the feeling would linger. And that is why in 2016 I don't want to be afraid of making decisions. Even if one bad decision does have repercussions, I will still get through them. I made plenty of stupid boy-related mistakes these past few months, and every time I did, I would call myself stupid, or say that I was smarter than this to get wrapped up in the ridiculous situations I found myself in. And even if that was true, it was still okay.

I will be okay. I am going to make a plethora of bad decisions in this coming year. But my New Years Resolution is to accept this and not live in fear of this. I am human and I am flawed, and there is nothing wrong with that. I want to be set free in 2016. This will not be easily achieved, as I have been conditioned to live anxiously about most decisions I make, but one day I might wake up and realize that I have no regrets, and that day will be beautiful.

Happy New Year!

Abby

Good Riddance to Bad Rubbish

Fall of my Junior year is finally over! As I write this, I am finishing my last night on RA duty of the semester, anxiously awaiting the time when I will finally be in bed. Tomorrow morning will be an early one while finishing up check-outs in our Res Halls, but tomorrow I will be the first day of 30 that I get to sleep in my own bed. The excitement is real.

This semester has truly been something else. There have been many times where I have felt so completely lost, and other times when I have not felt more like myself. I have hardly taken any time to myself throughout the semester, and that is likely one of my biggest regrets. My month off will be spent taking the time that I need for myself, and quite frankly I really don't care if that sounds selfish or lazy.

The guy cleanse that I have been attempting has gone over quite well for the most part, although this past week has been a little hard for me. Just because I'm cleansing doesn't mean I don't crave old tendencies. But hey, I'm trying.

Finals week was a drag, and I regretfully inform you all that my effort levels were out the window. We will see how my grades reflect that, but I realized that I can't beat myself up for not getting straight As. I had a difficult semester and I've tried damn hard at everything that I've done, and I've still done my best. Dean's List is still a great achievement for me, one of which I will still be damn proud of.

I have high hopes for next semester, even though it will likely be even more stressful than the one I am currently waving goodbye to. I want to get my shit together so desperately, but I can't be upset with myself if I don't. I want to be okay on my own next semester, and truly okay. I want to be strong enough to say the things that I can say when I'm drunk, sober. I want to feel okay being alone, and know that I'm not lonely, and that I don't need someone else to validate my self-worth.

I want to end my Junior year on a good note. While I anxiously await the goodbye that I have coming for 2015, and the welcoming hello I have in store for 2016, I do not want to remember 2015 as the struggles that came with this semester. It has taught me a lot, and while I am incredibly happy that it is over, I don't want to completely forget that it happened. It has changed me; in some ways for the better, and in other ways not so much. But it happened, and that's okay.

Next semester will be better. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Abby

When You Decide to Go on a "Guy-Cleanse"

I have spent the past six years, at least, either in a relationship, talking to a guy, or liking a guy in some romantic capacity. While I have not spent all of those years in a relationship, necessarily, I cannot remember the last time I haven't had my eyes set on a guy. Some new love interest has always been on my radar.

After my past relationship ended, I found someone that I was comfortable with and automatically decided that I liked him as more than a friend. I didn't give my head time to compute the situation, but it felt right, and I mean, if I was comfortable with it, no harm done then, right?

As it turns out, maybe I was a little bit wrong. These past few months I have been talking about wanting to find myself and live to be my truest self. Who am I without this aspect, though? Who is Abby without some guy on her mind? As I really reflect on this, I guess I'll finally figure out who I am all guys aside.

I have decided to guy on a "guy-cleanse", if you will. For however long it takes, I am taking a break from testosterone. Friendships only, no hook-ups, no "talking". I want to do this for myself. I am one of the most independent people I know, but I have used guys as a crutch for the longest time. I have always told myself that I was better than girls who were always in relationships since I knew what it was like to be single, when in all reality this could not have been farther from the truth.

I am almost twenty. I have a year and a half left of college, a potential internship for the spring semester, and several on-campus jobs. I have such a life to live without the constant distractions that crushing on a guy provides.

It may have taken far too long for me to come to this conclusion, and maybe not even for the right reasons, but knowing that I am finally doing something that could be this amazing for me actually feels really good. And who knows, maybe I’ll come out of this experience feeling an even deeper need for male attention. But I’m hoping to feel refreshed and even more confident in my independence.

As silly as it sounds, and although I rarely use it anyway, I am going to delete my tinder. I think it’s ridiculous anyway, and I don’t ever plan to use the app for anything legitimate, so honestly what is the point? The point for me, for a while, was that knowing that those guys wanted me in the shallowest of ways gave me a sick sense of satisfaction. They didn’t swipe right because they thought I am funny or intelligent; they swiped because they found me attractive. As strange as it sounds, that was enough.

I don’t want to depend on these shallow tendencies to make me feel good about myself. I don’t need others to fill that void for me; I can feel good about who I am all on my own. I know that I am a great person, and quite honestly I don’t need a man to tell me this. Thanks, but don’t I know it!

I anticipate this being such a healthy move for me. For too long now I have been walked all over. For too long now I have been distracted. For too long now I have let guys negatively impact my mood or my day, and then shrug it off as something natural. It is not natural to make excuses for others when they impact you.

I am excited for what this “cleanse” has to offer. I am beyond ready for the happiness that will hopefully accompany this decision. I already am feeling better about my life; my mindset is fresh and positive. This is exactly what I have needed.

Wish me luck!

Abby

Thanksgiving Outfit of the Day

Hello again!

I'm back with my first ever Outfit of the Day! I hope you all had wonderful and filling Thanksgivings, and relaxing breaks to follow. I know that the short break provided me with just enough rejuvenation that I felt ready to take on the next three weeks ahead of me before winter break. Well... ready enough, anyway.

This year's Thanksgiving day was spent with my dad and his family, and it was a great way to celebrate the holiday, even though it was a small get-together. My grandparents came to my dad's house to join myself, my sister, Nina, my dad and his wife, Anna May, her aunt, and her son. It was not a fancy event by any means, but I still wanted to dress for the occasion.

My top was from Forever 21 a few months ago, for about $8, (total bargain price!), and I bought the skirt from Forever 21 in the same trip, as well. The skirt was likely around $15, and the combo is definitely cute and classy. I paired the outfit with a pair of maroon tights from Target, (likely also a clearance buy), and I wore my black CUggs (Costco Uggs), to keep my legs warm in my dad's cold house. CUggs are a great alternative in my opinion, if you're looking for Uggs without the price. They are ridiculously soft inside, (especially my chestnut pair), and they're just as good of quality.

My gold statement necklace was a Christmas present from Forever 21 last year, and I frequently wear it to make an outfit look a bit nicer. When it comes to my makeup look, I didn't do a full-face, although I did use concealer, blush and a bit of bronzer for my face. I used my Coastal Scents 88 shade palette to do a neutral eye with a wing, and colored in my eyebrows. To finish up the look, I put on a light coat of Wet 'n' Wild Bordeaux Bitten (one of their Halloween 2015 collection lipsticks).

The icing on the outfit was definitely my hair. Recently, I purchased a NuMe 32mm curling wand at $100 off; $28 for the wand plus $12 shipping. The 32mm can make really loose waves, which is really nice for something that isn't necessarily long-wear, but has that kind of messy but put-together look to it. I decided to hold my wand a bit longer for each ringlet, drop them each into my hand, and then let them down. This helped the curls hold, and gave them more bounce and shape than if I tried for waves.

If you like how my hair turned out and are interested in the product that I bought, I used the coupon code candycane28. If that doesn't work, however, I know they had a coupon code of NuMe28 for the same deal. I haven't tested out this code either, but it's always worth a try: SAVEBF60, for 60% off site-wide, and free shipping, (ends December 31st)! During Cyber Week only, CYBER24 will get you any wand for $24.99. Their holiday sales are incredible, and the quality is truly amazing.

And with that, I leave you with an awkward picture from Thanksgiving, because a mini-photoshoot wouldn't be complete without an awkward candid!

Happy 22 Days Until Christmas!

Abby