Good Riddance to Bad Rubbish

Fall of my Junior year is finally over! As I write this, I am finishing my last night on RA duty of the semester, anxiously awaiting the time when I will finally be in bed. Tomorrow morning will be an early one while finishing up check-outs in our Res Halls, but tomorrow I will be the first day of 30 that I get to sleep in my own bed. The excitement is real.

This semester has truly been something else. There have been many times where I have felt so completely lost, and other times when I have not felt more like myself. I have hardly taken any time to myself throughout the semester, and that is likely one of my biggest regrets. My month off will be spent taking the time that I need for myself, and quite frankly I really don't care if that sounds selfish or lazy.

The guy cleanse that I have been attempting has gone over quite well for the most part, although this past week has been a little hard for me. Just because I'm cleansing doesn't mean I don't crave old tendencies. But hey, I'm trying.

Finals week was a drag, and I regretfully inform you all that my effort levels were out the window. We will see how my grades reflect that, but I realized that I can't beat myself up for not getting straight As. I had a difficult semester and I've tried damn hard at everything that I've done, and I've still done my best. Dean's List is still a great achievement for me, one of which I will still be damn proud of.

I have high hopes for next semester, even though it will likely be even more stressful than the one I am currently waving goodbye to. I want to get my shit together so desperately, but I can't be upset with myself if I don't. I want to be okay on my own next semester, and truly okay. I want to be strong enough to say the things that I can say when I'm drunk, sober. I want to feel okay being alone, and know that I'm not lonely, and that I don't need someone else to validate my self-worth.

I want to end my Junior year on a good note. While I anxiously await the goodbye that I have coming for 2015, and the welcoming hello I have in store for 2016, I do not want to remember 2015 as the struggles that came with this semester. It has taught me a lot, and while I am incredibly happy that it is over, I don't want to completely forget that it happened. It has changed me; in some ways for the better, and in other ways not so much. But it happened, and that's okay.

Next semester will be better. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Abby