The Ultimate New Years Resolution for the Soon-To-Be 20 Year Old

Hello again, my friends!

As I prepare myself to say goodbye to what has been quite the year, not only am I gladly accepting what 2016 has to offer, but I am also reflecting on all that I am leaving behind. Yesterday I asked my friend Brandon if he had any New Years Resolutions. His response was that he wanted to get his Hogwarts acceptance letter. This could totally be his year, but he did give me a legitimate response as well. He then asked me what my New Years Resolutions were. And this was the first year I hadn't really given it much thought.

Of course, I could say that one of my resolutions is to go to the gym more often, or to eat less chocolate, but more avocados. These are all goals of mine, regardless, (except eating less chocolate... I think I eat just enough), but I didn't want this to be a typical resolution. One year I said I would take more baths, and that was a dud and a half of a resolution; I am not even sure that I took one bath that year, let alone multiple. Another goal, but not resolution, of mine is to read more books! This year I completed my goal of 35 books, which in my opinion for a busy college student, that is a pretty hefty number.

If there is one thing that I want for myself in 2016, it is simply more positivity. Next year I will be 20 years old, and even though I often feel like a 45 year old woman, I am still so young! I have a whole world ahead of me, and a year and a half of undergraduate left before entering the so-called "real world". In 2016 I want to not fear mistakes.

Now, I'm not saying that I want to make vast amounts of mistakes throughout my year as a 20-year-old, but 2015 has definitely taught me a lot about myself in terms of making mistakes. I have an intense fear of making mistakes. I always fear that one mistake will do me in, ruining the rest of my life. And so, often times I am so afraid of making a mistake that I don't truly let myself experience things around me. I am always so worried that a decision I make will end up being the wrong one.

In 2016, I need to know that even if I make a bad decision, or a wrong decision, at least I made a decision. Making a decision is much better than living in a stagnant state of misery, because the negative effects of mistakes will always die down. You can survive anything.

This year I found myself unhappy in my long-term relationship. I was so afraid of becoming even more unhappy by leaving the relationship, that I remained in it for much longer than I really should have. When I finally made the leap and suddenly found myself single for the first time in two years, I cried so hard, because I feared that I would wake up one day and ask myself what the hell I had done. My friend held me as I contemplated this, and he told me that one day that might happen. And that would be okay. But it also might not happen--and it didn't. I never had that moment of regret after we broke up.

That experience taught me a lot. Regret is a funny thing in that it often sneaks up on you when you don't expect it, yet is nowhere in sight when you figured the feeling would linger. And that is why in 2016 I don't want to be afraid of making decisions. Even if one bad decision does have repercussions, I will still get through them. I made plenty of stupid boy-related mistakes these past few months, and every time I did, I would call myself stupid, or say that I was smarter than this to get wrapped up in the ridiculous situations I found myself in. And even if that was true, it was still okay.

I will be okay. I am going to make a plethora of bad decisions in this coming year. But my New Years Resolution is to accept this and not live in fear of this. I am human and I am flawed, and there is nothing wrong with that. I want to be set free in 2016. This will not be easily achieved, as I have been conditioned to live anxiously about most decisions I make, but one day I might wake up and realize that I have no regrets, and that day will be beautiful.

Happy New Year!

Abby

Good Riddance to Bad Rubbish

Fall of my Junior year is finally over! As I write this, I am finishing my last night on RA duty of the semester, anxiously awaiting the time when I will finally be in bed. Tomorrow morning will be an early one while finishing up check-outs in our Res Halls, but tomorrow I will be the first day of 30 that I get to sleep in my own bed. The excitement is real.

This semester has truly been something else. There have been many times where I have felt so completely lost, and other times when I have not felt more like myself. I have hardly taken any time to myself throughout the semester, and that is likely one of my biggest regrets. My month off will be spent taking the time that I need for myself, and quite frankly I really don't care if that sounds selfish or lazy.

The guy cleanse that I have been attempting has gone over quite well for the most part, although this past week has been a little hard for me. Just because I'm cleansing doesn't mean I don't crave old tendencies. But hey, I'm trying.

Finals week was a drag, and I regretfully inform you all that my effort levels were out the window. We will see how my grades reflect that, but I realized that I can't beat myself up for not getting straight As. I had a difficult semester and I've tried damn hard at everything that I've done, and I've still done my best. Dean's List is still a great achievement for me, one of which I will still be damn proud of.

I have high hopes for next semester, even though it will likely be even more stressful than the one I am currently waving goodbye to. I want to get my shit together so desperately, but I can't be upset with myself if I don't. I want to be okay on my own next semester, and truly okay. I want to be strong enough to say the things that I can say when I'm drunk, sober. I want to feel okay being alone, and know that I'm not lonely, and that I don't need someone else to validate my self-worth.

I want to end my Junior year on a good note. While I anxiously await the goodbye that I have coming for 2015, and the welcoming hello I have in store for 2016, I do not want to remember 2015 as the struggles that came with this semester. It has taught me a lot, and while I am incredibly happy that it is over, I don't want to completely forget that it happened. It has changed me; in some ways for the better, and in other ways not so much. But it happened, and that's okay.

Next semester will be better. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

Abby

When You Decide to Go on a "Guy-Cleanse"

I have spent the past six years, at least, either in a relationship, talking to a guy, or liking a guy in some romantic capacity. While I have not spent all of those years in a relationship, necessarily, I cannot remember the last time I haven't had my eyes set on a guy. Some new love interest has always been on my radar.

After my past relationship ended, I found someone that I was comfortable with and automatically decided that I liked him as more than a friend. I didn't give my head time to compute the situation, but it felt right, and I mean, if I was comfortable with it, no harm done then, right?

As it turns out, maybe I was a little bit wrong. These past few months I have been talking about wanting to find myself and live to be my truest self. Who am I without this aspect, though? Who is Abby without some guy on her mind? As I really reflect on this, I guess I'll finally figure out who I am all guys aside.

I have decided to guy on a "guy-cleanse", if you will. For however long it takes, I am taking a break from testosterone. Friendships only, no hook-ups, no "talking". I want to do this for myself. I am one of the most independent people I know, but I have used guys as a crutch for the longest time. I have always told myself that I was better than girls who were always in relationships since I knew what it was like to be single, when in all reality this could not have been farther from the truth.

I am almost twenty. I have a year and a half left of college, a potential internship for the spring semester, and several on-campus jobs. I have such a life to live without the constant distractions that crushing on a guy provides.

It may have taken far too long for me to come to this conclusion, and maybe not even for the right reasons, but knowing that I am finally doing something that could be this amazing for me actually feels really good. And who knows, maybe I’ll come out of this experience feeling an even deeper need for male attention. But I’m hoping to feel refreshed and even more confident in my independence.

As silly as it sounds, and although I rarely use it anyway, I am going to delete my tinder. I think it’s ridiculous anyway, and I don’t ever plan to use the app for anything legitimate, so honestly what is the point? The point for me, for a while, was that knowing that those guys wanted me in the shallowest of ways gave me a sick sense of satisfaction. They didn’t swipe right because they thought I am funny or intelligent; they swiped because they found me attractive. As strange as it sounds, that was enough.

I don’t want to depend on these shallow tendencies to make me feel good about myself. I don’t need others to fill that void for me; I can feel good about who I am all on my own. I know that I am a great person, and quite honestly I don’t need a man to tell me this. Thanks, but don’t I know it!

I anticipate this being such a healthy move for me. For too long now I have been walked all over. For too long now I have been distracted. For too long now I have let guys negatively impact my mood or my day, and then shrug it off as something natural. It is not natural to make excuses for others when they impact you.

I am excited for what this “cleanse” has to offer. I am beyond ready for the happiness that will hopefully accompany this decision. I already am feeling better about my life; my mindset is fresh and positive. This is exactly what I have needed.

Wish me luck!

Abby

Thanksgiving Outfit of the Day

Hello again!

I'm back with my first ever Outfit of the Day! I hope you all had wonderful and filling Thanksgivings, and relaxing breaks to follow. I know that the short break provided me with just enough rejuvenation that I felt ready to take on the next three weeks ahead of me before winter break. Well... ready enough, anyway.

This year's Thanksgiving day was spent with my dad and his family, and it was a great way to celebrate the holiday, even though it was a small get-together. My grandparents came to my dad's house to join myself, my sister, Nina, my dad and his wife, Anna May, her aunt, and her son. It was not a fancy event by any means, but I still wanted to dress for the occasion.

My top was from Forever 21 a few months ago, for about $8, (total bargain price!), and I bought the skirt from Forever 21 in the same trip, as well. The skirt was likely around $15, and the combo is definitely cute and classy. I paired the outfit with a pair of maroon tights from Target, (likely also a clearance buy), and I wore my black CUggs (Costco Uggs), to keep my legs warm in my dad's cold house. CUggs are a great alternative in my opinion, if you're looking for Uggs without the price. They are ridiculously soft inside, (especially my chestnut pair), and they're just as good of quality.

My gold statement necklace was a Christmas present from Forever 21 last year, and I frequently wear it to make an outfit look a bit nicer. When it comes to my makeup look, I didn't do a full-face, although I did use concealer, blush and a bit of bronzer for my face. I used my Coastal Scents 88 shade palette to do a neutral eye with a wing, and colored in my eyebrows. To finish up the look, I put on a light coat of Wet 'n' Wild Bordeaux Bitten (one of their Halloween 2015 collection lipsticks).

The icing on the outfit was definitely my hair. Recently, I purchased a NuMe 32mm curling wand at $100 off; $28 for the wand plus $12 shipping. The 32mm can make really loose waves, which is really nice for something that isn't necessarily long-wear, but has that kind of messy but put-together look to it. I decided to hold my wand a bit longer for each ringlet, drop them each into my hand, and then let them down. This helped the curls hold, and gave them more bounce and shape than if I tried for waves.

If you like how my hair turned out and are interested in the product that I bought, I used the coupon code candycane28. If that doesn't work, however, I know they had a coupon code of NuMe28 for the same deal. I haven't tested out this code either, but it's always worth a try: SAVEBF60, for 60% off site-wide, and free shipping, (ends December 31st)! During Cyber Week only, CYBER24 will get you any wand for $24.99. Their holiday sales are incredible, and the quality is truly amazing.

And with that, I leave you with an awkward picture from Thanksgiving, because a mini-photoshoot wouldn't be complete without an awkward candid!

Happy 22 Days Until Christmas!

Abby

It is Okay to be a Little “Selfish”

Hello again friends!

As some of you may be aware, if you have read my previous posts, I recently left a two-year relationship. This was one of the most difficult decisions I have faced, since hurting others is never on my agenda. I frequently put the wants and needs of others in front of the wants and needs of myself. This does not make me a good person or some type of martyr. Sometimes, this honestly just makes me stupid. I’m going to let you in on a little secret: it is okay to be a little “selfish” sometimes. People just don't want you to know that.

I received this advice from a professional staff member at my college that I have built up a wonderful relationship with over the past two years at Curry. She is the type of person that regardless of a 15 year age difference, I feel as though I could confide all in her. She is truly an amazing person whom I wholeheartedly value.

Things with the ex have been difficult and uncomfortable at times lately. While I do understand that from his perspective, the breakup came out of left field, for me it was something that had been building up for a while; and that was something I had hoped he would be able to reflect upon in these past few months. Unfortunately, he has not been able to do so.

I receive a text every two weeks or so from him, reminding me that he has not yet moved on from me. He has not been able to take this time to remove me from his thoughts, although we do not see each other anymore, nor do we have mutual friends. From my position, it would seem fairly easy to adjust to life without me after two months of minimal contact—minimal due to his messaging me. All ties between us have been severed, and yet I see him attempting to mend them in ways that are simply aggravating me.

Lately he has been contacting my friends to try and come onto campus to hang out. A bit of backstory for those of you who do not know me, personally or at all: we met at Curry when he was a sophomore and I was a freshman, and the fall semester of my freshman year we began dating. Last fall, when I was a sophomore and he was a junior, it was no surprise to anyone that he was unhappy here. He did not hang with many other than myself, and he did not exert himself much in his classes. After that semester, he dropped out. This became the biggest wedge in our relationship, although we tried hard to not make this so.

He tried to visit as often as possible last semester, although that did not mean it was often. He eventually got a job at a Stop and Shop near his house, which was a great thing since it got him out of the house. Eventually, however, I noticed that it became the sort of situation where instead of working on days that I wasn’t available, he would choose to work on the days that I had off. He would then try to visit me on days that didn’t quite work for me, and even canceled on attending our family trip to Newport this fall, saying that he couldn’t get off work. I am not entirely convinced that he had ever asked for work off in the first place, but that is beside the point.

There were many wedges between us when we broke up, and I had to do the selfish thing and see what life without him would be like. As it turns out, I am doing well. I am doing more than well, in fact, and people such as Lisa, the woman who I spoke with, have convinced me that this is the brightest I have ever shone in their time knowing me. Not that he dragged me down, but I suppose that now I am my truest self.

I decided that I needed to talk with someone who was not a peer after he texted me twice this past Thursday. The first text was asking whether he should give up on me ever speaking to him again. I truly did not know how to respond, and had a brief conversation with my sister on the matter. Any time we spoke, he continued with a conversation that I had no interest in maintaining, and almost seemed to guilt me into responding. I was in no rush to have one of those conversations again.

About ten minutes later, the guilt-filled text was sent. He said that I was the only real thing that ever made him happy and that now he has no one and he is hurt and looking to talk. The guilt-blast was received when he apologized for being unable to make me happy, letting me know he loved me more than I’d ever know, and that he hopes I’m happy now. This text concerned me and frustrated me at the same time, and I needed to seek the advice of someone trusted and older than me.

The best advice Lisa was able to give me was that it is not selfish to do what is best for you, even if others may be hurt in the process. Intent over impact; the intent was not to hurt someone else, but it may have had a different impact. I never meant to hurt him by breaking up with him, although that was the impact. And though I’ve explained to him that speaking to me will not help him move on, we seemed to approach that same conversation over and over again. Not only was that not a healthy pattern for him, but it was also not healthy for me.

I left the relationship because it no longer felt healthy for me. That is not selfish. Breaking up with him to be with other people or to be in a situation that put me at a greater advantage than him may have been selfish, but that is not where we were. To continue to be dragged down by these conversations would not be healthy for me, and it is okay to make the decision to continue without contact.

I still feel guilty. I do not anticipate that feeling going away any time soon. I worry that by doing what is best for me, I will hurt him to a horrible point. I realize now, though, that this is ridiculous. It is okay to put myself first. This is going to have to become a daily reminder, but I am trying very hard to love myself, and that means not sending myself down a path that leaves me hurting and confused and constantly worried. Not speaking with him has been the best way to not go down this path again, and that does not make me selfish.

Intent over impact—always remember that. It is okay to be a little selfish sometimes. Think of yourself, because as I always say, you are your biggest supporter. When everyone else leaves, you are who you have left; you are the arms to hold you tight at night. Always keep your best interests in mind, and happiness will find you.

Abby

Buffalo Chicken Dip Recipe

Happy Hallo-Week! (I know, that’s not a thing, but I go to the rhythm of my own drum.) I’m very excited for this Halloween, even though participating in these festivities is also making me neglect a certain Exercise Physiology exam that I have coming up… nobody ever argued that I made good decisions… But before I get to a Halloween post, I still have some catching up to do! This means, waaay back in mid-September, I did a little bit of cookin’.

On the night that I got back from my Newport trip, my staff member (and pretty good friend) Kevin and I made some buff-chick dip for our Star Wars movie marathon, even though we only got through Episode IV. We will watch them all someday! The buff-chick was both the best and worst decision of my life. It was the best because it was beautiful and oh so yummy in my tummy, but also the worst because I am 99% sure that I am slightly lactose-intolerant; which means that eating half of a container of buffalo chicken dip in one sitting pretty much killed my stomach the rest of the night. And my frequent bathroom trips the next morning were not exactly pleasant…

The original recipe that we modeled our dip after was taken off of the website, but essentially this is what we used:

1 block softened cream cheese
½ cup sour cream
1 can canned chicken
¼ cup Frank’s red hot
A whoooole lotta cheddar cheese!

This is Kevin. We're sometimes friends.

We preheated the oven to about 375F, (once again, sorry for no specifics! Dang Internets!), and mixed the sour cream, cream cheese, and canned chicken in a bowl. This part was so fun! Kevin thought my little baby muscles couldn’t mix properly (our cream cheese wasn’t as softened as it should have been), but boy did I show him. We added in about ¼-½ cups of cheddar cheese into the mix, along with the FRH, as my dad calls it.

After mixing that up further and folding it gently into our oven-safe container, we placed more cheese and FRH on top and put it into the oven for somewhere around 20 minutes! (I could totally be fibbing, so just check to see if it’s done around 20!).

Then came the random dance party in the NCRH kitchen during those 20 minutes of waiting. Okay, so Kevin watched a football game, but I danced around while doing dishes! A woman has to find ways to entertain herself, you know! I had a grand old time with Jesse McCartney in that kitchen, and then I made Kevin take the hot dish out of the oven.

#Masterpiece

The end result was AMAZING. I am a chef. (Kevin is okay, he just likes to mix things). I am an artist in the kitchen. We haven’t cooked anything since, and I should probably stay away from the loads of lactose next time, but if there is a next time, I would love to make this again… and maybe share with more than one other person. Happy tummies for all!

Catch ya later!

Abby

Newport 2015

Hello again, my lovelies!

As mentioned in my last post, about a month ago I went on my annual trip to Newport, Rhode Island and took plenty of pictures with this post in mind! And while my life has become ridiculously chaotic as of late, and this will be posted about a month later than anticipated, better late than never, as they always say!

My trip was cut short this year, and was simply an overnight with my grandparents, my sister & her boyfriend, and my mother & her boyfriend. I went down with Nina, my sister, and Frank, her boyfriend, and we arrived a bit earlier than my grandparents did, so we shopped around near our resort, going up and down Thames Street and America's Cup.

After a brief drive from Milton, Massachusetts to Newport, Rhode Island, the first thing that was on my tired mind was thoroughly typical and oddly out of season: Pumpkin Spice Lattes. This Starbucks, (for some odd reason), is my favorite of all Starbucks, and I always feel like a celebrity upon arrival. And as for my sudden craving for a PSL, that can be explained easily by my being a creature of habit. My first PSL of the year is always during my annual Newport trip!

Look at all of the beauty in one picture; the brick streets, the blurry Starbucks logo, and the Alex & Ani bracelets, ironically likely purchased at the Alex & Ani store in Newport. I got Frank hooked on the PSL almost immediately, and I frequently receive snapchats of him drinking them, blaming me for his new found White Girl status. (F*** that stereotype, by the way. I can drink whatever I want without being demeaned, thank you very much).

For lunch, we continued on our pattern of "basic" New Englanders by getting Panera! This was also the cheapest and easiest place for us to eat, as I know they have gluten free options that I like. Forgetting that their summer items would likely not be out anymore, I anticipated having my favorite strawberry poppy seed salad, but had to last minute check their online gluten free menu. I ended up getting the Mediterranean Chicken & Quinoa Salad, which I liked much more than planned; especially considering it had kale in it!

I also made sure to make an emergency stop at Cupcake Charlie's, since they only have gluten free cupcakes on Fridays! When my grandpa hugged me, he knocked the box right out of my hands, hence their peculiar appearance. They tasted really yummy though! In hindsight, however, I would only purchase one at a time; the second sat in my fridge and I never ate it, which is still one of my biggest regrets of September.

Me and my grandmother, Gigi

It was lovely to see my grandparents that weekend, especially being able to spend some quality time with just them before my mother and her boyfriend arrived. That night we played a lot of Jenga, which is something that is good for my grandmother to practice her motor skills with. To make a long story short, Gigi had a stroke during open heart surgery, which left her in a coma for several months. When she woke up, her speech and motor skills were severely deteriorated. Playing little games like Jenga is something fun that we can do with her while still practicing fine motor skills.

                               

We almost always stay in the Wyndham, although sometimes it is difficult to find a room that is both large enough for all of us to stay, and handicap accessible for Gigi, who is in a wheelchair. This year, we stayed in a "wheelchair accessible" room, though we all argued that it was hardly so. It was nice in other terms, although it was not what we were looking for.

For dinner we went to the Barking Crab, which surprisingly, I have never been to before, but will surely return to. I had my first gluten-free lobster roll and loved EVERY MINUTE OF IT. It was absolutely delicious. The bun was more like that of a sandwich, rather than a roll, but I had zero complaints. Their sweet potato fries were also fried separately, so I was able to enjoy another one of my favorite meal accessories. My tummy had not been that happy in a very long time.

The next day, I refused to take no for an answer when it came to going to my favorite fudge shop. I swear by Newport's fudge, that it is the best fudge I have ever, and will ever have. I found out during this trip that you can sample at this place, conveniently named Newport Fudgery! I will not buy fudge from anywhere else.

I love the atmosphere that this place provides, (which is pretty much the same vibe I get from the entire area!). The workers are always so friendly, and I discovered that the mint chocolate chip fudge is not as disgusting as it sounds; in fact, one may say that it is actually delicious. I stuck with more familiar flavors to bring home with me, however, though in the future I will definitely bring home some mint chocolate chip fudge.

LOOK AT HOW BEAUTIFUL. Oh, my goodness it is simply amazing. Although parts of this trip were annoying in unmentionable ways, overall, I love the way I feel when I walk the streets of Newport on my own. I don't even feel the need to window shop with others; it's like the streets have claimed me as one of their own. I am at home within the streets of Newport.

If you have never had the opportunity to find your own peace in Newport, I highly recommend it. I wish the comfort that I find there upon anyone who may be looking. Although ridiculously expensive, Newport is an experience that I believe all should have.

Abby

An Ode to Junior Year

Long time no see, Blogger. I hope everything has been well in the blogosphere, (totally not a word, but I'm owning it). If this were an actual conversation and not a rhetorical statement to a blank sheet of paper on my laptop, I would answer back that everything with me has been a wild and messy concoction of things.

My life since my last post has been good, it has been painful, it has been wonderful, and it has been numb. It has been filled with countless smiles, numerous tears, a pleasant amount of laughs, and a lot of frustration. I have made many beautiful memories, quite a few mistakes, and gained some new friends in this past month. My heart has hurt, but also been filled with incomparable love and joy.

I suppose I will start the chronicle of junior year with my trip to Newport, RI, which is something I planned to dedicate its own post to... and may still follow through upon. The weekend of the 12th of September I went on my annual family trip to Newport for one night, and remembered why to me, Newport is such a happy place. I had my first annual PSL, fudge from my favorite fudge shop, and watched the sun set upon Bowen's Wharf. I loved every minute of that trip, and continued to have a great weekend once I came back to Curry.

Me, loving life before making questionable life choices

That same weekend, however, I also broke up with my boyfriend of two years. Even now, I am not sure of how it came about into conversation, but I finally found honesty within myself and told him that I had not felt happy with him in quite some time. I had pushed aside how I had been feeling for his feelings for a long time, and that was not fair to either of us; I know this now.

I found this quote shortly after the breakup, and took time to reflect upon how I was feeling. I loved him very much. The two years that we shared were filled with so very many wonderful memories and I have no regrets in our relationship; other than that I was not honest about how I felt until it was too late. As much as it hurt me to hurt him, however, I also have no regrets about breaking up. Our relationship had run its course and the two of us were on two different life paths entirely. Our relationship was no longer one of honesty and love; it was us simply pretending that things hadn't changed.

I am now finding who I am on my own. I have not known Curry without being involved with him in some way. I knew that this meant I was bound to make many mistakes on my journey, although I hadn't imagined life to work out in the ways that it did. I found myself involved with a guy much earlier than I thought, although I continued to justify the situation by telling myself neither of us was ready for a relationship, but what we had was comfortable, and that made it all okay.

I continued with my ways of not being honest, though, and we never talked things out until he slept with his ex. Pretty freshly out of a relationship, and I had felt like my heart had been ripped out again. This person was my friend, and though we didn't define anything else, what kind of friend does something that would hurt the other without even imagining how it would impact them? When we talked it out, we discovered that we both had feelings for each other, but nothing would come of it, but he continued to mess with my head. I don't know if these things happened intentionally, and I would like to think that they didn't, and that he just has things to figure out in his own life, but I can't keep justifying my pain for someone else's mistakes.

Marina & The Diamonds Motivation!

I've been trying to practice more self-love lately. I'm tired of taking other people's shit. I'm sick of being walked all over. I'm a catch! I am an amazing person with a beautiful heart with a bright future ahead of me. This is what I frequently tell myself on days that I feel particularly bad about the pain I've caused my heart. I've decided to try and embody a more empowered self-image, very Marina & The Diamonds-esque. Every day I tell myself that I'm a bad ass bitch from hell and that I'm going to run the world one day. I may not believe myself every day, but this is the way I want to remember who I was my Junior year. Not as some girl who frequently lent out her heart to only have it returned in pieces, but as the girl who others were privileged to have in their lives. Because when all else fails, I am my biggest supporter.

I have been able to lean on my friends during these hard times, though, and for that I am forever grateful to them. To Courtney and Leyah, to Caroline and Tom, to the Ratch Batch, to Ethan and Kevin, and to my RA Staff; to all of the friends that have been around when I have needed them most, there are no words to express my gratitude. I have not always returned this favor in these past few months, and for that I am also very sorry. I will likely make many more mistakes within our friendships, and I hope that you will always find it within you to be able to forgive me. I love all of you and know that wherever life may take me, you are all the friends that would metaphorically take a bullet for me. I aspire to be the type of friend that you are all to me.

Forever grateful for these memories

Junior year has been interesting in other aspects, as well. Although this is the first time I am taking only 5 classes, (and no labs), academics have proven very challenging so far. My Exercise Physiology course is absolutely kicking my butt, but I am still loving every second of it. Biology has never been my strong point, but I especially love the class during my own workouts; it has actually proven to fuel my attempts at running when I think of VO2 max and reaching a steady state! #nerdlife....

My other health classes have been quite time consuming as of late, but I still love my major wholeheartedly. I may not know where I want to be in my future, but I am so passionate about health. Good health is the key to everything, and I love witnessing how it all interconnects in life. My Walking Dead Philosophy course is super time consuming, as well, but it is the most interesting take on a required philosophy course that I could find, and I love that a lot of my homework involves consuming myself in the show. Although I have to pay attention to the episodes, it feels like two birds with one stone; doing homework while also taking 45 minutes to myself to relax.

Probably the most accurate tweet I've ever seen about the show.

Being an RA of 30 freshmen girls has also been quite the task. I enjoy it much more than I did working with upperclassmen last year, and definitely feel as though I'm getting the true RA experience out of this year. I feel as though I've built up a pretty good relationship with most of the girls on my floor, as well as scattered residents throughout the three buildings that make up my area. They come to me when something exciting has happened, or if they need advice, and although it takes up much of my time, I still love it. These girls are great, regardless of how demanding my job may be. I think they are still learning that there is a vast difference between freshman and junior year, and that I am frequently busy and unfortunately will not be there for them at all hours of the day. I sometimes feel that they resent me for my schedule, but I try to make up for it with the little things.

One of my October bulletin boards!

By now, the fridge is pretty full, and I think the appeal has worn off, but they love the interaction between us. I have lost and gained a few girls within the two months, whether they have left school or simply moved out, and many plan to transfer after the year. I wish that I could change this, but I realize that it isn't a reflection of my job here; I am doing my hardest and they still appreciate having me on their floor.

I have unfortunately put HIPS on the back-burner lately, and that is one of my regrets for junior year. HIPS is my baby and the window that has opened so many incredible opportunities to me. Yet with all of the things I have going on in my life, I have been struggling to find the time to fully put my all into the club. I'm working on it, though.

I'm working on finding more time for myself, too. I have spent far too much time this year attempting a social life, rather than taking care of myself, and justifying this by saying I was simply improving my social health. I am struggling with the concept of balance, but I know that I am getting there, and that it's okay to make mistakes; it just takes a lot of convincing.

I am a strong girl. I have a great head on my shoulders, and I have independence for days. Junior year may have had a rough start, but I am going to mold it into one of the best things to happen to me. I don't need a man in my life, even if it is what I'm used to. I have it within myself to rule the world, I just have to practice a bit more self-love while I figure out how to do so.

I want to do more yoga and get more sleep. I want to read and write more. I want to go to the gym and appreciate my body more. I want to laugh more, and not beat myself up when I cry anymore. There is nothing wrong with me. I want to love more, without forgetting to love myself in the process. Junior year, I accept you, for all that you may bring to me. I accept the sadness that will inevitably hit my life, and I accept the happiness that will accompany the many things I do. I accept that I will not get everything perfect this year, and that I will frequently make mistakes. I accept all that may come with an open heart, and I will never stop trying.

Abby

Labor Day Weekend 2015

Hey friends!

I hope that as Labor Day weekend dwindles into weekends past everyone can look back with fond memories. As far as Labor Day weekends go, mine was mediocre, although I will remember it as the first Labor Day weekend in my college history that I've made the trip home. Mediocre or not, it's something.

Friday night, a night that for most was the start to a long weekend, was a long night for me. It was my first weekend duty this semester, and as far as weekend duties go, the night was a breeze. I met some new residents in my area and definitely bonded with a few, and my staff member Kevin was quite the clown for the night. His amusement made the night pass much faster than anticipated for a holiday weekend.

Saturday morning my dad arrived at Curry to pick me up, and naturally I over packed to the extreme. But it's cool 'cause I still had room to bring some food back. My dad got super excited to stop at Market Basket on the drive home, since we don't have any of the supermarket in Connecticut, (at least where I'm from we don't). I found out that Udi's Gluten Free bread is about $2 cheaper there than it is at Stop and Shop, so on trips home from now on, I plan on picking a few loafs up.

Later that day, once we had arrived at my dad's house, we took a trip to Aldi. For those of you who have never been to an Aldi, I highly recommend getting in the car right now and driving your butt over to the nearest store, because it is amazing. They have a killer gluten free brand, "Live G-Free", and I've yet to try something there that wasn't at least good, (much of what I've tried has surpassed good and gone straight to taste bud numbingly good). Aside from their gluten free foods, my family is always amazed at the quality of most of their products.

Aldi brand: cocoa crispies, fruity pebbles, snicker doodles (half eaten), and cinnamon drizzled rice snacks

Later Saturday afternoon, we headed over to the Orange Greek Festival, which was a short walk away from my dad's house. One of my stepbrothers, Chris, came with us to the fair. This is always a particular treat for my step-siblings, since they are Greek themselves. We kept joking with Chris that he should embrace his roots and hop in the dancing line. Opa!

Me and my 19-year-old step brother, Chris

I was on the hunt for a new thumb ring during this year's festival. I haven't gone in the past few years, but many years ago I purchased a wonderful sterling silver ring that I wore on my left thumb. Shortly after, on a vacation to St. Maarten, the ring slid from my finger while I was in the water, never to be seen again. Unfortunately for me, the jewelry selection this year was slim pickings, so I did not leave with a new treasure.

The Greek Fest this year for me ended up being a complete miss. With my new allergy, sometimes foods are hit or miss (especially when you don't want to ask if something is gluten free because you know they won't have a correct answer), so I stuck with a simple chicken souvlaki with a side salad. Without asking, they placed a giant hunk of bread over my salad, deeming it inedible for me, and my chicken was cold... and not very good in general. I disliked it so much that I couldn't even muster up the strength to photograph it. I went home after and ate some gluten free cinnamon Eggo's. Much better.

Sunday morning was filled with more waffles and White Collar. No, I did not do that for alliterative purposes, I genuinely ate waffles and watched White Collar. Matt Bomer is my imagination's lover, regardless of his sexual orientation. He is beautiful and I accept him for who he is.

My Uncle Dave had a picnic on Sunday for the holiday, and a bunch of family friends were invited to the occasion. Someone made some seriously bomb buffalo chicken dip and it made me realize how much I need that in my life. My step mom also made deviled eggs, and my philosophy is that no picnic is complete without some nice deviled eggs.

Sunday was also my cousin David's 31st birthday, so we quietly celebrated that. With cake in mind, I bought some mud slide ice cream for myself, knowing there would likely not be a dessert I could eat. My cousin Lindsay, David's sister, is also gluten free, though (and lactose free), so the possibility was there. I saw her sneak down with a piece of the gluten-filled cake, and my aunt said with the holiday off, she was biting the gluten-bullet.

I had a pretty quiet time at the otherwise loud picnic, mostly keeping to myself. I roasted a few (4) marshmallows over the chiminea, and enjoyed my golden-brown fluff on a stick. My ice cream wasn't half bad either, but unfortunately it didn't make the trip back to school with me.

My saving grace for the picnic was the pogoplug link that my dad sent me. He recently uploaded all of his pictures onto the website and gave me the password to look at the pictures. This was a very exciting thing for me, since many of these pictures had never been seen by me. My parents have been divorced since I was 7, so each parent has different pictures than the other. This still bothers my father.

The fact that this picture took this long to reenter my life is majorly upsetting. I was damn cute! I looked through these pictures for at least an hour, and I'm looking forward to further looking into the pictures of the past. It's definitely funny to see pictures of my parents before the divorce, as well as pictures of when my sister and I used to not only hug each other, but kiss each other on the lips. When did this change? Excellent question, that I may answer after I look further through the pictures.

Yesterday morning I had an 8:40am train back to Massachusetts. This put me back in MA by 11am, which was plenty of time to dilly dally in my room before my shift at the Student Center at 1:30pm. I'm not a huge fan of trains, mainly due to the short amount of time they give you to board and depart, mixed with the horror of finding a seat. To my luck, I ended up with a table to myself for half of my ride, until a woman asked to sit across from me. That was totally fine until I had finished the homework I brought with me... and then it just became awkward.

Although not the greatest quality, the view on the ride from New Haven, CT to Westwood, MA is beautiful. This was taken at the stop between Old Saybrook and Mystic. The picture doesn't do the view justice, but there was a wicked cool ship in the harbor. My train ride was pretty relaxing, but I always find traveling to be super tiring. I made it through with minimal stress, though, so that's always a good thing.

I spent a little time with some residents once my friend Peter dropped me off at my residence hall, I've really lucked out so far this year with the girls on my floor. Most of them are very easy to talk to and love saying hi to me around campus. I'm hoping they're feeling a decent connection with me, as I've tried to make myself as available as possible considering my busy schedule. Most of the time, if I'm around, I keep my door open, and they love to say hi as they pass by! My room is right by the bathroom so this is very helpful. It is also sometimes annoying, (the hand dryer is grossly loud).

I had a six and a half hour shift at the Student Center after that, This was my longest shift so far as Building Manager, but it was probably the best shift I've had. Bless this holiday! Most of my shifts have been extremely busy, but I had time to finish up my blog post and do a little bit of planning, which is always a plus for me. I love me some planning time!

Me & Dautey, another SBM

I seriously love my job though. I was pretty excited my whole ride home to come back for work. I know that most people probably don't like ending their holiday weekend early for work, but my job can be fun! Working at the Student Center is one of the most social jobs on campus and I LOVE IT. With my new promotion to Student Building Manager (SBM), I have a lot more responsibility, especially on holidays when there are no professional staff in the building, but I'm finally finding a rhythm as I go.

The rest of my night was pretty typical, and the holiday weekend was dying down. After my work shift, a few of my eboard members popped by so we could hold an impromptu meeting before our school's Involvement Fair, and I was reminded a bit of the dedication that lies within some of these people. Sometimes it's hidden and sometimes it just needs the cobwebs dusted off, but regardless of the stress that being a club officer sometimes provides, I love every second of it.

I hope that your holiday weekends were more eventful than mine, but that no matter how eventful, you enjoyed the past few days.

Abby

Book Review: Adventures in Neverland Series

Hi hi!

I've noticed my least favorite thing about scheduling my blog posts is that I frequently forget when to write more. I write in chunks, they all post, and then suddenly I have to write more! It just sneaks up so fast! I'm makin' it work, though, so in my head I'm totally killing the game.

Today's blog post is going to be another book review. Anna Katmore, an author that I am pretty familiar with, wrote two spin-off books on Peter Pan, and she killed it. I usually read Katmore during the summer months when I want lighter books to read, and ones that don't require much attachment to the characters. While I usually breeze through her books and forget about them after, the Adventures in Neverland series changed my mind on the author.

Photo taken from annakatmore.com

I will casually and ironically eat Pirate's Booty as I type this post. Giggles are currently being kept inside. Moving on!

In May I read the first book in the series, Neverland. The cover was cute, and I love twists on my favorite childhood stories, so this was a no brainer when I purchased it on my nook. The description of the book was quite short, but essentially, Angel (the main character) falls into Neverland somehow and ends up falling in love with Captain Hook--who's actually not evil at all. In fact, James Hook is pretty hunky in my mind, (although I did keep imagining Colin O'Donoghue as Killian Jones).

It's a much prettier sight than the cartoon image that pops into my mind, so Anna Katmore should be grateful that Once Upon a Time cast such a sexy villain.

I mean, take your pick, but I think the choice is a little obvious.

Although the plot line was pretty cliche--or as cliche as falling into Neverland can get--I ate up the whole story! I finished it in a split second and was eager to buy the sequel, Pan's Revenge. At the end of the nook version of Neverland, there was an excerpt from Pan's Revenge, and let me tell you, reading excerpts without having the next book lined up for you is pretty much torture.

Picture taken from goodreads.com

This cover was just as adorable as the first. Pan's Revenge, without giving away too many details, was the story of Peter's revenge (duh) on Captain James Hook. Pan believes that the only fair way to seek revenge is to go after the one thing Hook loves most--Angel. Pan leaves Neverland after Angel forgets all about the other world, to convince her that Hook was evil and Pan was the one she loved. But who will win? And why bring the sad teenager into the mix? Cliche, once again, but so addicting.

While these may not be novels of the year, if you are someone like me who hardly finds the time to read during the school year, (college is time consuming, man), I highly recommend this series! [On my nook] Neverland is 203 pages, and Pan's Revenge is about 230 pages, both including a preview to other books. Katmore put a playlist at the end of each book, which I found totally adorable, so that also took up a page.

Give it a try, I promise you won't regret it!

Abby

Fall 2015 Welcome Bulletin Board

Hi again!

I'm back with my very first post on my life as an RA. This year marks my second year in Residence Life, but my first year as a freshman RA. This is both an exciting and terrifying change for me. I feel as though this really is the RA experience, but it is very different from my junior living experience last year as a first-year RA.

This month I'm going with an UP theme for my door tags and bulletin board. While I do have two bulletin boards, (the smaller one is my update board), the bigger board, pictured above, is an introduction board to give my residents a bit of a taste of who I am before they meet me. Not to mention, that UP house in the top left corner? Yea, I hand-made that. Beat that.

If we zoom in a little on my hand-made house, you'll see me... or is it Russell? It's both! I put my head on Russell's body. It's a wicked old picture (about 3 years), but it was the only one I had on me at the time! I gave up a little on the porch, which you will notice is quite intricate if you look it up, but I spent a heck of a lot of time on putting this together, so that one little detail wasn't endgame for me.

I kept it pretty basic with my door tags (they do not have names on them yet, since I don't get my roster until tomorrow night!!), but I think they will suffice. I hand drew and cut out each and every one of these dang balloons, cut out every one of the characters and backed them on cardstock (that I also had to cut out), and taped them together with a piece of ribbon. Easy as pie, but super time consuming.

My fingers are crossed that these stay up through the month and that my hard work doesn't get ripped down, but realistically speaking, that chance is probably slim. Regardless, I'm proud of the work that I've done.

Catch ya next time!

Abby